I picture myself screaming sometimes into the wind out of desperation. My heart tends to beat faster, and my words become few. I feel overwhelmed with emotion but tears don't come. I pray, seek, read my Bible, and journal; temptations are still evident. For this life to be easy is impossible. For hatred, disgust, and murder to never exist; also impossible.
I am blessed beyond anything I could've imagined, but I feel as though I'm pushing with all my strength against a brick wall.
Behind closed doors the ticking of the present quickly becomes past and future possibilities remain a mystery. Digging deeper, more subtle through the layers to the core of "why" and "how" consists of unmistakable pain. However, to stand tall one must complete the battle; beaten and bloody... I will complete this battle.

Isaiah 40:31 NIV
"...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."