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Don't know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

(Chorus)

Beautiful, Beautiful - Francesca Battistelli



I am qualified because He called me!

There will never be a God like my God! I'm a mess at times. I say things that I shouldn't, do things I shouldn't, act out of impulse, and at times I just let my Bible sit untouched. Though I am openly imperfect, God continues to show himself faithful. There's not a day that goes by that I don't acknowledge this life I live in a way that, 'if it wasn't for God and His saving grace, I'd be dead.' Sometimes I live for myself and am prideful or insecure with my appearance. Yet my Heavenly Daddy loves me for who I am, which is ultimately who He created me to be; His daughter.

I have been able to share my testimony with anywhere from an intimate group of 5 to 15 people to thousands of people via radio. God has made it possible for me to experience a third world country, and speak at conferences for young girls/women.

God never ceases to amaze me and continually remind me that He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

"...and found out she was raped and got pregnant."

A good friend of mine is a phlebotomist, and though quite furious he sent me the following text message last night.

"Just walked into a moms room to get blood and as soon as I saw her I felt incredibly bad for her for some reason. She had a lazy eye with badly bent glasses and was mildly retarded. Couldn't speak any English but she was still all smiles. I noticed she didn't have any family or friends in the room either. As I was leaving I overheard nurses talking about her and found out she was raped and got pregnant. I've never been so upset in my life. I'm still almost crying out of disgust."

My heart broke and tears filled my eyes as I tried to digest the above text. I'm still not sure if my brain has fully accepted the reality. Something that caught my attention was, "...but she was still all smiles." Those six words stung deep in my soul and as I then read, "I'm still almost crying in disgust," my heart broke even more.

I found the following quote and feel it suites this blog well...

“There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.” -Elie Wiesel

Writing; a safe outlet.

So many questions crowd my already racing mind. My eyes glaze over as the tears I so desperately try to withhold begin to run down my swollen cheeks. The distance between life and death is like the game tug-of-war, which was more entertaining as a child. I try to find something to do with my hands, but I’m at a stand-still; my legs are also motionless. Words frequently register from my brain to my mouth, however the moment they reach my lips, it’s as if they never existed. I find myself starring out the window; watching the leaves on the autumn trees as they cover the ground in beautiful yellows and reds, “what’s the point,” I wonder in silence. My heart is past broken at this point, but somewhere there’s a glimmer of hope in the voice of the suffering servant.

I wrote the above paragraph today while I was at work. Over the past month I've heard bad news left and right with no concrete reassurance in the form of, "everything IS going to be ok." The last thing I wanted to hear when I asked my mom if my aunt was going to live was, "I don't know." Those words stung deep and long. I don't want to lose another family member, then again... who does?
Along with other shocking news, what I found out last week topped it all. A lady that I've known for 15yrs. and considers me to be one of her own grandchildren was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. The doctors told her she could start chemo, or go to hospice and die in 2wks. Tell me that won't shake your faith! I'd be lying, if I said, it wasn't shaking mine. She decided to try chemo, so now we wait. I called her today and we talked for a couple minutes before she passed me onto someone else because she was tired. I can tell you that hearing her say, "I love you too," brought tears to my eyes and in a sense made the reality of the situation more evident. In an effort to "hold myself together," I failed, and cried as quietly as I could while being updated on her health, by her daughter-in-law.

There's no doubt life has been rough, but God knows the beginning and the end... All we have to do is trust him.