Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas 2010

With each day that passes, I love my family more. I may only be twenty-two years old but I've learned the value of relationship. Five years ago on Christmas day we were sitting in my sister's hospital room in St. Louis. She was driving here to Oklahoma on Christmas Eve when she collided with an eighteen-wheeler and was rushed to the nearest hospital. Both her legs were broken, she had many scrapes, bruises, glass embedded in her scalp, and to this days endures constant back pain. It was a very scary time. Since then our family has gone through many more obstacles; family deaths, my mental/emotional instability, financial stress, and the list goes on, but through it all we've stuck together.
This Christmas has been the best yet. We were able to surprise my mom with the chair she's been wanting, my dad has been enjoying food favorites from his childhood, my sister has been blessed financially, and my aunt and uncle sent money to Mercy Ministries in my name. We have not argued, grumbled, complained, or been annoyed. We've joked around, watched movies, offered help, and had meaningful conversation.
We never know what tomorrow may bring, muchless the next few hours, but regardless of circumstances that arise family is priceless.

Live. Laugh. Love.

 

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Conversations with God...

...He is great at reminding me how my past is indeed past! He is the redeemer of my ENTIRE life! He is the one that has and will continue to watch over me every step of the way!

Worship is key when it comes to having a more intimate relationship with God. In the presence of my Heavenly Father is where I lay down my pride, my pain, confusion, fear, doubt; myself, and submit every fiber of my being to the author and finisher of my faith.

Monday, December 6, 2010

FOUR powerful words

This past weekend I was involved in a Women's Conference entitled: Out of the Ashes. I was given the opportunity to share my testimony, and at the end of the conference on Saturday sing a song [Beautiful Ending by Barlow Girl].

The conference was intimate. 3 individuals, including myself, shared stories of redemption and in small "Vision groups," those of like ages, were able to share similar struggles. Our time was full of laughs, bold honesty, many tears, and encouraging words. Toward the end of our last "Vision group," after the girls bravely expressed current hurts, I looked at each one of them and said, "Isn't it interesting how we're all struggling with the same issues? It doesn't matter how big, small, old, where we're from... we are not alone."

FOUR powerful words: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

No matter what you're going through, there is someone else going through "it" as well. The situation may not be the same but the insecurity, eating disorder, self-harm, alcoholic/drug addiction, pornography, promiscuity, guilt, shame... it's all the same.

Friday, December 3, 2010

"...God is the Reality of the universe..."

Dry Bones- Gungor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJWHZnZ9E6k&feature=related

I am blown away by the music and lyrics of Gungor. I went to their website and read the lead singer Michael's blog he recently did on his Pilgrimage. It's in 2 parts and a possible 3rd and 4th to come. Here's the link: http://www.gungormusic.com/blog/?m=201011 I highly suggest taking a few minutes and reading what he wrote. He has definitely caught my attention and deeper thoughts about my relationship with Christ have boldly erupted within my core.

One thing Michael wrote in his blog was, "To me, God is the basic Reality of the universe. God is what is. That’s how Moses wrote that God introduced Himself, isn’t it? “I am that I am.” God is.
Whatever is, that is God."

I find those statements given as a challenge. Who is God to you? Is He who He says He is..."I am that I am?"

[check out their entire Beautiful Things CD - most of the song are on youtube]

Sunday, November 28, 2010

|


Don't know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)


Like sunlight burning at midnight

Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain

But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

(Chorus)


I have come undone

But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

(Chorus)


Beautiful, Beautiful - Francesca Battistelli




Saturday, November 20, 2010

I am qualified because He called me!

There will never be a God like my God! I'm a mess at times. I say things that I shouldn't, do things I shouldn't, act out of impulse, and at times I just let my Bible sit untouched. Though I am openly imperfect, God continues to show himself faithful. There's not a day that goes by that I don't acknowledge this life I live in a way that, 'if it wasn't for God and His saving grace, I'd be dead.' Sometimes I live for myself and am prideful or insecure with my appearance. Yet my Heavenly Daddy loves me for who I am, which is ultimately who He created me to be; His daughter.

I have been able to share my testimony with anywhere from an intimate group of 5 to 15 people to thousands of people via radio. God has made it possible for me to experience a third world country, and speak at conferences for young girls/women.

God never ceases to amaze me and continually remind me that He doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

"...and found out she was raped and got pregnant."

A good friend of mine is a phlebotomist, and though quite furious he sent me the following text message last night.

"Just walked into a moms room to get blood and as soon as I saw her I felt incredibly bad for her for some reason. She had a lazy eye with badly bent glasses and was mildly retarded. Couldn't speak any English but she was still all smiles. I noticed she didn't have any family or friends in the room either. As I was leaving I overheard nurses talking about her and found out she was raped and got pregnant. I've never been so upset in my life. I'm still almost crying out of disgust."

My heart broke and tears filled my eyes as I tried to digest the above text. I'm still not sure if my brain has fully accepted the reality. Something that caught my attention was, "...but she was still all smiles." Those six words stung deep in my soul and as I then read, "I'm still almost crying in disgust," my heart broke even more.

I found the following quote and feel it suites this blog well...


“There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.” -Elie Wiesel

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Writing; a safe outlet.

So many questions crowd my already racing mind. My eyes glaze over as the tears I so desperately try to withhold begin to run down my swollen cheeks. The distance between life and death is like the game tug-of-war, which was more entertaining as a child. I try to find something to do with my hands, but I’m at a stand-still; my legs are also motionless. Words frequently register from my brain to my mouth, however the moment they reach my lips, it’s as if they never existed. I find myself starring out the window; watching the leaves on the autumn trees as they cover the ground in beautiful yellows and reds, “what’s the point,” I wonder in silence. My heart is past broken at this point, but somewhere there’s a glimmer of hope in the voice of the suffering servant.



I wrote the above paragraph today while I was at work. Over the past month I've heard bad news left and right with no concrete reassurance in the form of, "everything IS going to be ok." The last thing I wanted to hear when I asked my mom if my aunt was going to live was, "I don't know." Those words stung deep and long. I don't want to lose another family member, then again... who does?
Along with other shocking news, what I found out last week topped it all. A lady that I've known for 15yrs. and considers me to be one of her own grandchildren was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia. The doctors told her she could start chemo, or go to hospice and die in 2wks. Tell me that won't shake your faith! I'd be lying, if I said, it wasn't shaking mine. She decided to try chemo, so now we wait. I called her today and we talked for a couple minutes before she passed me onto someone else because she was tired. I can tell you that hearing her say, "I love you too," brought tears to my eyes and in a sense made the reality of the situation more evident. In an effort to "hold myself together," I failed, and cried as quietly as I could while being updated on her health, by her daughter-in-law.


There's no doubt life has been rough, but God knows the beginning and the end... All we have to do is trust him.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

One year later -

One year ago today I graduated from Mercy Ministries in St. Louis, MO.

Today marks one year of redemption, undeniable blessing, countless temptations, remarkable beauty, adventure, and grace. I have walked through fire, danced in the water, bathed in relationships, and continue to stand open when it comes to learning and understanding myself and others. I am not perfect, I am no better than anyone else, and I will continue to live a life of purpose in a way that Christ shines through me.

For a moment I want to thank Nancy Alcorn, Mercy Ministries Staff, and ALL supporters! Without the selflessness, and unconditional love given by all... Mercy Ministries wouldn't be able to guide, teach, and see countless young women set free from their past! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hold me [someone]

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling. The last few weeks have been full of bad news, stress, and all sorts of emotion.
I've been putting on a front, hoping people won't notice that I'm not doing well, yet my attitude and temper express a heck of a lot more than I want. Go figure.

I take one day at a time, and hope for the best. I need to cry, but I still feel it's weak. In this vulnerable state I also just want someone to hold me, and tell me it's going to be okay, but I refuse to let anyone so close.

Last night I was in bed, my thoughts running crazy, and with my hands pressed against my face I said, "God, Help me." I haven't felt this helpless in a long time.

I can't wait to get through this tunnel. Right now, it's pitch black and I'm wandering about running into every obstacle.


...take me to a happy place...


Sunday, September 26, 2010

I will not be silent...

-"After a trafficking journey that typically involves deception, rape, beatings, and constant threats, victims are often forced to live in confining and unsanitary conditions. Once formally put to work, human trafficking victims can be forced to service from 40 to 110 customers in one day.[1] Malnutrition, sleep deprivation, as well as emotional and physical abuse become day-to-day normalities. In addition, forced abortions and the contraction of STI's, Hepatitis B & C, and AIDS are ever looming probabilities. Life for a victim of sex trafficking is hell on earth. This injustice is the reason The A21 Campaign exists." [www.a21campaign.com]

-"By joining with us you can be part of feeding hungry people, bringing education and hope to those who have none, empowering parents with small businesses, communities with agricultural development projects or rescuing innocent children from the horror and abuse of the sex trade." [www.destinyrescue.org]

-"Stop Child Trafficking has chosen to fund a bold, new approach, one that addresses the demand side of child sex trafficking by targeting buyers/predators for prosecution and conviction. While over 260 organizations are currently focused on rescuing children, until the demand side is addressed, the supply will always exist. Few people know that virtually no convictions have occurred in the U.S. in the last 10 years, thus this heinous crime grows." [www.sctnow.com]


-"Our mission is to prevent child prostitution through culturally relevant programs for vulnerable children and to share their stories to empower creative, compassionate people to act." [www.thesoldproject.com]

Above are 4 AMAZING organizations that have chosen to stand up against injustice in the form of Human Trafficking. Below are 7 more websites I encourage you to visit as well regarding the fight against Human Trafficking.



It's time to stand up for injustice.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

"Put yourself aside..."

There is a demand placed on our lives as Christians to walk righteous with our Heavenly Father, and share with others what we know so they too can be saved. We are to study the Bible to find out who God is to us, who He was created to be, and who He will remain. We are to seek wisdom/understanding, grow in trials, and live as examples; dead to ourselves... alive in Christ.

How can we call ourselves Christians and stay quiet?
How can we call ourselves Christians and live lukewarm in our relationship with God; blind to the truth? How can we call ourselves Christians and curse the unlovely, ignore the broken/abused, walk around "holier than thou," and refuse to associate with others outside this "perfect" bubble we created?


How dare us, as Christians, be selfish with our God!


We need to
shout from the roof tops all God has done for us!

We need to refuse to be ashamed of the freedom God has given to us!
We need not be shut up OR shut down because the world believe's differently than us!

What will it take for Christians to actually walk the walk and talk the talk?


Heaven IS real.
Hell IS real.


What is the point calling ourselves Christians if we're no different than the world we live in?


Philippians 2:1-4 [The Message]

1-4 If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.



Sunday, August 1, 2010

The book of Matthew

I have been reading the book of Matthew lately and it's awesome! Jesus' disciples are exactly like we are today. They question everything, doubt Jesus though he told them to do something, try and convince him to take them a different direction, and ignore people that want to get to him [Jesus].

Jesus' authority is undeniable all throughout Matthew. People came from miles around to be healed, set free, loved, and ultimately they got what they longed for. Living in the 20th century doesn't put us exempt from using the same authority Jesus had... now.

Why are we so ashamed to tell others about Jesus and eternal life in Heaven?

We're not here on earth to live for ourselves.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Psalm 30

God brought the below chapter in Psalm to my heart when I was driving to the chiropractor this afternoon. I kept repeating it in my head so I'd remember to look it up, but in the process of hurrying home, getting gas before my car stalled, run in the house put on more deodorant, run out, and jump in my dad's truck so we could head to our movie date... I forgot.

Now that I'm home my memory of the scripture, from 4.5 hrs ago, has awakened again, and it reads:


Psalm 30 [NIV]

1 I will exalt you, O LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help
and you healed me.


3 O LORD, you brought me up from the grave [b] ;
you spared me from going down into the pit.


4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.


5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

6 When I felt secure, I said,
"I will never be shaken."


7 O LORD, when you favored me,
you made my mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.


8 To you, O LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:


9 "What gain is there in my destruction,
in my going down into the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?


10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."


11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.


God has been "showing up" and "showing off" in my life this week... through work, personal affairs, friends, and family. The above scriptures speak firmly into the situations facing me lately, and also ignites the passion in me of the prophecy spoken over my life last May while I was at Mercy.

God pulled me out of the pit and has completely redeemed my life. I live for Him, and him alone. I sacrifice my life for the call He's placed on it, and if that means being rejected, tormented, or killed... Those around me will know that my life was well lived because I lived it whole-heartedly for my Savior, Lover, Father, and Best Friend Jesus Christ.



 

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm presently addicted to this song. Right now it explains my outlook on many things, and I'm ok with that.

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven but I talked the whole time I think I made You too small, I never feared You at all, no
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of holy of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name on earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?


[Addison Road__What Do I Know of Holy?]

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Kirk Franklin & Da TRUTH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05lddfyhf3s&feature=player_embedded

I'm existing.

I have no plan for the fall, my friends are few, and I feel alone and I hate to say... vulnerable. It'd be different if I was content during all this but that's not the case. Where I am right now is a scary place to be. A place when God can just say, "Hey.. go here and do this," without warning or question. I have no control. We, as humans, love to have control over situations in some way, shape, or form. It's part of who we are but if we're trying to have control over what we should be giving God... that's a problem and will leave us stranded.

I surrender all I am to Christ on a daily bases. I've laid down my life to live set apart from this world. I've committed every fiber of my being to the plan and call God has placed on and in my life. I have to place my trust and faith in him. I have to "be still" and know that he is God without a doubt and has everything and I mean everything under control.

Until the plans are unveiled I'll keep reminding myself, "in his perfect timing."

Monday, July 5, 2010

it only takes one to change the world.

Fear grips the lives and hearts of the people in Kosovo; the need to survive is great. 97% of the population is Muslim and the thirst and hunger for the true word of God is far more than we could ever imagine. Above ground graves are a constant reminder of the many deaths from the war that tore through this beautiful country. People walk from village to village/town to town their heads hanging low and their facial expressions grim. Young children, most under the age of 5, are sent by their mothers to beg for money and food. Some hold signs, others look straight into your eyes and as your heart shatters, saying "no" while choking back tears of guilt, brings you to a place of silence. Driving through the town and to near by villages homes are unfinished, some have visible marks from gun shots, and others are used to keep hay, dry clothes, or are vacant. 50% of the Kosovo population are without jobs and the cost of different items is very cheap. I bought lunch for myself and 2 other girls at one point and the total amount was 8euros, which is less than $7 in the USA. Less than $7 for 3 people to eat and here in the USA sometimes one person pays around $10 for food.

KERCE [JUMP] was the kids event we held Tuesday-Thursday near a village about 20min from the town we stayed in. On the first day I had no idea what to expect and as we drove up I saw a few kids wandering about. I was looking around at the inside of the school Service International [the group I was with] built for these children as well as talking to another group member and I mentioned how not very many kids were not at KERCE yet. She said something to me, I walked to the 2nd story classroom window, and below I was captivated by hundreds of children from all ages standing in lines almost completely silent because they were so anxious/excited to be at KERCE 2010. Seeing all the children moved me in a way I will never forget and will forever be engraved on my heart.
Throughout the week there were countless salvations, relationships formed, and without a doubt more children/families know about Jesus Christ and his love for them.

I am forever changed.



Thursday, June 24, 2010

Endless Surprises

This time last year I would've called anyone, anywhere absolutely insane if they told me I'd be traveling over 24hrs to a third world country for missions work.

There's never a dull moment in my relationship with God. He's my everything... the only one that I will depend on for the rest of my life. He is full of endless surprises and I couldn't ask for a better more stable relationship to be in.

God, 

Thank you for creating me. Thank you for the plans you have in store for me, and the adventure I'm getting ready to go on for 10 days starting tomorrow. I am in awe of your faithfulness and know you have me in the palm of your hands, protecting, leading, and guiding me wherever I may go.


Love,

Your daughter

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

...rising off my knees...

The last 3wks have been a time of overwhelming emotion, meaningless words, and thought provoking events. I am a better person then what I've expressed over the last few wks, and I have more value/worth then what I've shown to some of my closest friends.

Though the storms blow in there's only one thing to do to keep focused... grow more intimately in love with Christ. Knowing that He is my rock/fortress in my time of desperate struggle brings me to a place of repentance without disappointment.

The Holy Spirit whispers sweetly, "trust me," and rising off my knees I'm embraced in the loving arms of my daddy God. Once again stronger than I was before. 

Monday, June 21, 2010

Mission Trip

I leave for Kosovo on Friday and the link below connects to some interesting facts about Kosovo!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosovo

Just wanted to share!

Friday, June 18, 2010

God's NOT done with you yet!

*What do you want from God?

*What do you think he wants from you?

*What have you been focused on lately?


*Why do you carry so much weight on your shoulders?

*Do you really think living a lie is going to get easier?

God's NOT done with you yet. He's the writer of your story but you have to choose to let him take the pen and paper out of your hands; giving him COMPLETE control.

Get to know God's character and who he truly is. The more focus we put on God, not only as christians, but as the church... I have no doubt we will become more intimately in-love with the creator of the universe.

Give God the pen to your story... He WILL NOT disappoint.  

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Orphans Unlimited

"Orphans Unlimited fulfills the mandate of James 1:27 as it reaches out to "widows and orphans in distress." going to areas where no one else desires to go, our program has saved countless lives both spiritually and physically. We are currently caring for over 1,900 kids in northern Mozambique. Our program goes to remote areas that other organizations have failed to touch."

I gathered the paragraph above from the website below. Please check out Orphans Unlimited... It's simply beautiful, the work that's being accomplished through one woman's obedience.

http://orphansunlimited.org/index.html

Saturday, June 12, 2010

There's a time to dance...

The walls are a distant white today. Looking around all that sits in this mess of four is a lone ragged chair. A chair that's out of place, one might say. Another might say it adds some sort of texture to the room.

Picture color beginning to come out of this chair... reds, yellows, blues, greens. Picture those colors taking shape of animals, people, trees, flowers; life. 


There's a world out there waiting to be reached by one lone individual called by name from the most high to add color, and truth to what was once so dull.
There's a time to dance. To show the world what you have. To admit you're worth fighting for and ready for a challenge.

Are you going to fill the chair?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

,,,just talked to a homeless man for an hour...


The text message below was forwarded to me from a good friend a few nights ago, from his friend who was actually with the homeless man.

"Just talked to a homeless man for an hour. Bought him a beer. Lance bought him food. Even after all that, the man still divided the food up between the rest of the homeless people."

I read this text message at least 5x's the night I got it and have read it countless times since.

I am blown-away at the generosity of a man that has nothing, yet when he's freely given essential needs [food and drink, not necessarily beer], he doesn't hoard it all to himself... he divides up between those that are in the same position as he.

Even in the midst of a storm there's hope... believe it OR not...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Garden

Lately I've seen people pulling out weeds of the gardens they tend to, and at times I'm sure they've been hesitant because they're tired, or it's too hot. However, when they stop to think how they're assisting the growth process of the garden by digging deep to get to the root of the rapidly increasing invaders... I wonder if they think how it relates to their own life.

In the bible it clearly states, "...I set before you life and death...choose life."

Just as those weeds are pulled out of the garden so the flowers can continue to bloom and be healthy. God desires for us to reach deep into our hearts/minds and pull out all the thoughts, past actions, things that have been done to us that are holding us down, and choose life. He wants us to choose to be healthy and offer to others the freedom we have in Christ, so others will live too.

 

Saturday, May 1, 2010

...my savior of love

Portrait of innocense,
destined to die,
beaten by many; bruised.

Blood stained clothes,
words never spoken,
power revealed,
redeeming love.

Hung on that tree,
nailed for my sins,
sinners partake in killing to live.

Risen in glory,
sent from above,
purity devoted,
portrait of innocence,
my savior of love.

[March 23, 2010 - lmw]

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Heartfelt Devotion

“I am ready to burn out for God. I am ready to endure any hardship, if by any means I might save some. The longing of my heart is to make known my glorious Redeemer to those who have never heard.”


William Burns, missionary to China, 1815-1868.


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

You've caught my attention w/ your unmistakable beauty

You have a way w/ words that makes my heart beat quick to the sound of a distant yet clear audible melody. The trees breathe in life when you exhale and the grass greens w/ every joyful tear. Flowers bloom while sun rays dance above in the crisp blue sky.


Though there's a stillness, you are ever present.


I lie awake and dream of far off lands one day I will hopefully visit. Where mother's are dying to save the lives of their children, and the eyes of the fatherless are empty.


Lord, you are the father to the fatherless. You are the mender of the broken hearted. You are the comforter and strength to the depressed and weak. You are beautiful in every way... and God, your love extends far beyond the walls of this house I live in.



You will forever hold my gaze upon your unmistakable beauty.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

God YOU amaze me

Peace that passes ALL understanding,
Grace that drives success,
Compassion fuels mercy,
Dreams produce desire,
Building character,
Shaping futures...

Living Redeemed.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Drenched

I have a lot on my mind and all I want is to be drenched in the peace of God.

God in his perfection has hand-crafted me into the beautiful masterpiece I am. He put every hair in place, chose my eye color, skin color, molded my fingers and toes... and here I am completely unique; unlike any other.



Jeremiah 1:5 (The Message)

"Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you:
A prophet to the nations—
that's what I had in mind for you."

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Insignificant

Carry the weight...
take it all away...
it's no longer of use to me.

I hate being subjected to things that are of absolute insignificance to my future.

Stop wasting my time...
I have better things to do...

I'm moving on...
you should too .






Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter!

Hello friends,
I trust you all had a relaxing and enjoyable Sunday; I know I have!
I've never been so aware of God's greatness than I have in the last week. One thing I tackled was my room; a big mess! I ended up over 2 days, donating clothes, dusting/vacuuming, sorting, rearranging, and I've been making my bed everyday.
Now, you may be wondering how that goes along with the greatness of God... so let me tell you. Before when my room was messy and cluttered I disliked going in there except to sleep. However, since it's been clean I've spent more time in my room reading my Bible and reading the book I bought, "when God writes your love story." It's become more of an intimate place for me and God. I enjoy worshipping in my room and gaining new ideas of how I can decorate!

Did you know God even cares about how we decorate our rooms? How awesome is that! God loves us beyond anything we could ever imagine so much so that He wants to have a part in how we decorate! That should get you thinking - what else does God care about where my life is concerned that I'm not involving him in?

--------------------------------------------------------------

God sent HIS son to die on the cross [and rise again] so that we would live!

My friend, YOU live because God chose YOU to be on this earth for such a time as this. YOU are not a mistake, YOU are not hopeless, YOU are called, YOU are equipped with the tools to conquer the enemy, and live for a God that was beaten beyond recognition because HE LOVES YOU!

How can we argue with that?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The woman on the corner

When I drive to work some mornings there is a woman a little over half way before I get to work standing on the corner of a major intersection. She's probably in her 60's and not in the best clothing but none of that matters; this woman is a great example of truth. You see, every time I pass this woman she has a huge smile on her face while she holds a sign that boldly exclaims, "HIS PAIN, YOUR GAIN!"

I was stopped at the light of that intersection a couple days ago and as I watched that woman and read those words countless times I began to weep. God got a hold of my heart that morning and I knew it was time to step back and see all I've been taking for granted.

God is a compassionate God. He does have mercy and loves me and you unconditionally. We're far from perfect and we're fathered by the perfect one. I've been through a lot and come out on the other side completely redeemed and I know I am worth every bit of every thing God has instore for me.

God is real and alive and He wants the best for us. He has given and will continue to give us all we need. He is the only constant in our lives and it's a daily choice for us to walk in complete restoration. God didn't create us to just walk this earth. He created us to be in relationship with him. To make a difference and step out of our comfort zones and reach the lost.

HIS PAIN, YOUR GAIN!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Weighing the Pros & Cons

Over the last several days I've really had to weigh the pros and cons of possible situations brought to my attention. After taking many things into consideration I, 9 times out of 10, chose the situation with the most cons.
-Did I, at all, feel guilty? Most definitely!
-Did I repent? Absolutely!
-Is God a forgiving God? Without a doubt!

I know with no hesitation that I'm free from my past, I know I am a strong person, I know the truth, and I know everything I do is a choice and with each choice comes consequences I must deal with [present OR future].

On the other side of my obedience is someone elses breakthrough - so why do I ["we"] keep disobeying?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Resort [God]

It's hard to pick one thing to talk about because there are many things going through my head right now. I think I'll keep it simple. Last night was my dad's 50th Birthday Party, so in the midst of the chaos of running errands for my mother, I went and got the cake. I pushed the cake in the cart out to the car, picked it up to put it in the seat but I needed to rearrange some things, so I put the cake on the cart [not in the cart]. I turned to situate what needed to be and the cake fell face down on the ground. After staring at it, I picked it up, quickly flipped it over to my mouth dropping open and gasping at this unplanned failure. I panicked, took it back inside and the wonderful people in the bakery were able to repair it for free to the best of their ability. I made it home less than 10minutes before all the [40] people invited started showing up. It was quite overwhelming so I spent a decent amount of time outside. The party was a success though. My dad was happy and I'm glad he was in such good company with his friends!

I left the party after helping clean up, drove to a gas station, and glared at the beer. If my eyes were on fire every bottle/can behind those doors would've busted. I was stressed, frustrated, disappointed in myself, and I thought I'd find relief in alcohol. I will say, I walked past those doors 5 times and walked out with 2 bottles of water. 

Everyday is a battle. Temptation is all around and it's not going to end because we choose to get our lives on track. I'm not powerless, I'm not a failure, I'm not going to choose to resort to what used to comfort me. I will choose, however, to resort to God; the one and only constant in my life.     

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Yes I "slip-up!"

I am happy to announce I am NOT perfect! There are things in our lives that come easier to ignore than others and when we give into those particular urges, behavioral patters, and even old addictions - we can't beat ourselves up! A few weeks ago I gave into temptation which ended with me screaming at myself, freaking out, and I was repenting like Jesus was coming back the next day. It was so insignificant that finally when I shut-up, I realized how much I was over-reacting! I then thought, "Ya'know I'm sincere in my repenting, God still loves me, I'm not a bad person..." 

I remind myself that everyone has their own personal convictions. What I may see as perfectly fine, someone else may totally disagree. It also comes down to respect for ourselves, our morals/values, and the relationship we have with Christ.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Some Questions

Do you question the reality of the truth?
Do you second guess nature and it's inevitable abilities?
Do you walk to the beat of your own drum?
Do you feel the inescapable throbbing of someone elses pain?
Do you glance beyond yourself to solve the problem of another?
Do you wake for you and you alone?
Does the cloudiness in your memory frustrate you to anger?
Does the constant ache for more than 'this,' seem never-ending?
Does the facial expression on your face when you see yourself in the mirror, reflect respect?
Does the pessimist in you thrive for something more uplifting?
Does your life exist around the standards others have placed on you?
Does life mean more to you than struggling to get out of bed and forcing yourself to be fake?
Is there no alternative for you?
Is there no other way for you to be genuinely happy?
Are the lies you've believed getting you anywhere?
Are the words you speak, words of death and destruction?
Is there hope for you?
Are you ready for a change?

...what are you waiting for?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Hi

I'm still here... for those of you that read this and are remotely curious about my absence. Of course I really haven't been away from here that long, just seems like it I guess.

I'll write more later. For now, I'm off to bed.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Time

I would give anything right now to be able to jump in my car w/ out telling anyone where I was going. Heck, I might not even know where I was going.
I want to breathe [new] fresh air, I want to lay in soft, green grass, and see the birds flying around me. I want to guess what shape the clouds are in the sky, and smell the blooming flowers. I would look around and all I could see for miles and miles would be nothing but hills, valleys, streams, trees, and vibrant color. I wouldn't have my cell phone, I wouldn't hear people talking, I wouldn't feel the heaviness in my head... I would have my pen and journal.
I would be absolutely care-free, and have no agenda. I would scream, laugh, cry, sing, and talk to God as if He was visibly right infront of me.

I need some time alone.

 

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

It's Official

Plans are officially under way for the Mission Trip I'm going on to Kosovo this summer! I have been approved to take the time off work, I'm in the process of finalizing my support letter, and I am pumped!

I know God has such a great plan for my life and this is absolutely part of it!

Yess!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Singles Awareness Day!

I used to always get depressed every 14th of February. However, this year, that's not the case. Probably because I realize my day will come, and being single is NOT a curse!

Let's get real, I'm definitely not a fan of cleaning up after myself everyday. I like being able to throw my clothes on the floor until I do laundry, and place my toothbrush anywhere I want. I don't mind not having to cook every night for someone, muchless constantly keep the kitchen clean.

[No, I'm not as messy as it sounds]

So, on this day I like to call, "Singles Awareness Day..." I slept in till 11:20, helped my mom make lunch, watched a movie with my family, and on top of having great conversation... I still haven't showered OR brushed my teeth!

No one to impress and that's fine with me!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Herbs

I have recently become interested in herbs. My friend Dustin introduced me to this little bookstore called Peace of Mind, and though I've only been there once, I'm a fan! They have a lot of books about religion and the ones I'm drawn to most; art!
While we were looking around we walked into what was like a cubby-hole [so-to-speak] and there was an overwhelming aroma that made me want to pull up a piece of the wooden floor I was standing on and sit.
So, after some research on calming herbs and looking at the bookstores website to see what they carry... I'll be logging off here to go check out what might be something I become quite drawn to studying.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Challenges?! Seems like I'm an easy target this week!!

Challenge after challenge after challenge this week! I couldn't be happier right now knowing that tomorrow is Friday! I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to give someone a taste of their own medicine!

In my personal opinion, if someone is going to correct me on something I did that happened once and was unintentional- also making it a BIG deal, when they've done exactly what they just corrected me on, on more occasions than I can count on my two hands... I lose a little respect for their character. You may think that's harsh too, but when it is ALL the time w/ multiple things - my flesh screams!

[Obviously, there are more things that have happened, but I'm not going to even get into them.]

Regardless of everything that's been thrown in my face this week- I'm listening to Worship Music, keeping my mouth shut, soaking in Joyce Meyer, and praying for peace beyond my understanding!

I can't keep my mouth shut and a positive attitude by myself, and let me tell you - IT'S HARD!

Thank you Lord - only one more day!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

In my WEAKNESS, you MAKE ME STRONG

"...In the moment of my weakness you give me grace to do your will..." [None but Jesus - Hilsong]

When I get stressed, there's too much going on around me, I can't stop thinking, something comes up within my family/friends... basically, everytime I don't have control. I constantly find myself wanting something to ease the discomfort, and sadly my first thought isn't to grab my Bible or pray. I usually think about going to a bar or buying a pack of cigarettes.

Oh, how easy it is to succumb to the desires of the flesh.

However, the harder I fight the flesh, the stronger I become to ignore the temptations that will do nothing but bring me to a place of guilt and disappointment.

"...there is no one [nothing] else for me, none but Jesus..."

I listen to this song on repeat and it never gets old. I sing it throughout the day no matter where I am, and it gives me hope. It reminds me of the greatness of God and all He has equipped me for. When I sing this song, it's in thanksgiving to my Daddy God. The one who was "...crucified to set me free, and now I live to bring Him praise."

Sunday, January 31, 2010

What if I said, I never stopped loving you?

"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all." [10 Things I Hate About You]

I think it's funny, how I feel that way about someone, and I can't get him off my mind. He's currently in the Navy far away from here, and I miss him. We've reconnected over the last couple weeks and everythings rushing back. The butterflies in the stomach, the goofy grin on my face when I see a picture of him, the hestitant yet excited click of the mouse when I get to talk to him... possibly elementary, but what if it's part of love?

[I may never find out... at least not with him.] 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's okay, when you see me, to take a second glance...

You see me now and have to look twice to verify my appearance... What? You don't think I look the same?... Oh, well, you're right, I don't look the same... Why? Because...

...I am a new creation in Christ!
My life has been completely transformed and I walk in freedom!
Yes, I have a past BUT it does not dictate my future!
I've been through many trials and temptations BUT wouldn't change them for a minute because they have only made me stronger and more determined to live the life God has planned for me!
I am full of life, love, compassion, and peace! I am a servant of the Most High, and my value and worth is not based on what others think of me, say about me, or do to me!
I am redeemed! I am the walking dead! I have grasped who I am in Christ and no one can take that away from me! I am called and equppied to bring glory and honor to His name!
I will not be labeled by any medical professional because I choose to live, not as a victim to the diagnosis put on me in the past, BUT as a victor labeled by my Heavenly Father as: set apart, beloved, chosen one, daughter of the King, blessed, and forever changed!
I am no longer bound to a death wish BUT am alive in Christ!


It's okay, when you see me, to take a second glance because I'm not who I was when you first met me. I am now who I was called to be a long. I just had to choose to accept freedom and live in it!



**I wrote this Nov. 3, 2009 soon after graduating Mercy Ministries**

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Trust

I may not say the words you want to hear because they are the truth you deny. The facial expression I make after you tell me an inappropriate story or joke may make you insecure and question what you thought was "so funny." It's possible you will think I'm ignoring you, and also possible you will see me as rude or stuck-up. I won't fall for your continual pity party for money, just so you can give it away to someone old enough to buy your beer, or contribute to your illegal addiction.

You can ask me anything, tell me anything, scream in my face, call me names, stab me in the back, punch me in the stomach, ask me to agree with you in prayer, inquire about a scripture...

No matter what - good OR bad...

...I will still speak light into your life, I will still offer a shoulder for you to cry on, I will rejoice with you in success, I will lift you up when you're down...

...You just have to trust me.    

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Simple

One of my love languages is quality time, and tonight it was awesome to have that "filled," by a friend. I went to Richmond's house after church, and just hung out talking for over an hour. We talked about many things, we goofed on his guitar, looked through dvds, threw a "medicine ball" back and forth... It was great and "simple."

It's awesome to not have to prove anything to anyone, ya'know? I used to waste my time trying to please everyone with words, actions, and whatever else, but it was so stressful, and chill was far from my vocabulary.
I love talking about nothing, walking in silence, listening to music... where no one's out to impress, and there's no hidden agenda. People close to me, along with people I just meet, are very important to me, because I am genuinly passionate about human life.

That simple.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Redeemed

Tonight I got the tattoo I've been wanting for atleast a year.
I wanted vines to go around a previous tattoo that says, "Silent Asphyxiation," because they signify life. For the past couple months leading up to this tattoo I decided I wanted a word as well, but wasn't sure which word. Then "Redeemed," came to my mind, which I believe was a pure God thing because I couldn't get it out of my head.

I am truly blown away, not only at how amazing my new tattoo looks, but how much more this tattoo means to me, and proves that I am forever Redeemed by the love and mercy of my Heavenly Father.

BEFORE:


DURING:



AFTER

Monday, January 18, 2010

Hello again,

I've been house-sitting for some friends and was unable to use their computer due to a virus. BUT no worries, here I am!
This is going to be short, by the way, for 2 reasons:
1- I'm cramping like none other, not that you wanted to know that.
2- I'm exhausted, and falling asleep as I write this.

*I had a dream the other night where I was stabbed in the stomach, thrown face down on the ground, and then someone dressed in all black used a screw driver to drive a screw in the middle of my spine. Needless to say I woke up face down like I was in my dream, and thought I was paralyzed.

*I get my tattoo tomorrow after I get off work! I have been waiting for this for a year, and am so excited!

Other then that, no crazy-awesome news here. Oh, played Bunco for the first time tonight, it was fun!

&& g'nite!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

AIDS

Dear Princess,

YOU ARE beautiful! I know you don't know me, but I wanted to tell how much I ADMIRE YOU. Being only 10, and having to go through things adults do is really tough, but I want you to know how strong YOU ARE. I know you are confused as to why you are sick, but it's going to be okay!
YOU ARE such a brave girl!
Princess, YOU ARE amazing! YOU ARE loved more than you will ever know, and I am so proud of YOU for being a great helper to your family!
I know you are suppose to take medicine everyday, but don't like to. I've done that before, but everytime after I chose to take my meds I felt a lot better, and ended up healthier, and more happy!
Beautiful, YOU ARE cared for by people, like me, you may never meet, but YOU have a place in our hearts! YOU have a place in my heart; forever!
YOU ARE in my prayers Princess!

I love you,
a friend

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Encouraging Scripture

New International Version (NIV)
Isaiah 41:9-10, 13

9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

www.biblegateway.com

Monday, January 11, 2010

Little known fact -

I have a weakness and it's totally legit...
...video games!

Yes, that's right, if I had no job, no bills to pay,
no social life... I would most likely be sitting at someone's
house, if not my own; a gamer!

Hah!
Interesting fact, right?!
I'm sure you're excited to be informed!

&& g'nite!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Human Trafficking

Innocence
by:LMW

She's bleeding from recent torment,
confused about her identity,
mistaken for a sex toy,
used without limitation.
Her hair often knotted and frizzy,
her make-up smeared, and her clothes stained,
but appearance is everything.
There's no room for excuse or fault; money's at stake.

Looking in the mirror, she can't stand the sight
of whom she's been made to become.
Once so innocent and pure;
her eyes used to light up when the sun appeared.
Now seeing daylight means she's visible to all mankind;
selfishness, lies, and lust have overtaken her hope of a future.

She desires for an escape, but who's going to save her?


**Countless men find their pleasure in the bed of a mother,
a daughter, a child. All abused, degraded, and humiliated for money.**


What's it going to take to stop human trafficking?

Did you read above and think it's awful, wonder how it can be fixed, only to go about your daily routine and not think of it again?

IF YOU SINCERELY WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE - FIND A WAY!

There are many websites you can find. Google is a great start!

Here's a site for you: www.a21campaign.com

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I know that you are God

This song has captivated my heart and I wanted to share it with you.
You can youtube it, which I highly suggest. Love.

None but Jesus
by: Brooke Frasier
sung by: Hillsong

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day, again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

I am yours and you are mine...

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore

Alright friends,

It's snowing AGAIN today, and freezing cold. All the snow we got from the blizzard on Christmas Eve has yet to disappear. Sometimes I wonder how God decides to work the weather! :)

Today I seriously need to clean my room! I have the mentality, "I'm the only one that comes in here, it doesn't matter.." Yeah, well, I have that mentality until it is clean and I wonder why I don't keep it clean all the time. Ha! Then the cycle begins all over again. Oh geeze!

Here's something [fun] to think about:
If you were given the opportunity to speak infront of a massive [thousands] audience about something you are passionate about, what would it be and why?

My answer:
I would speak about injustice in all forms. I personally think that in our world today EVERYONE needs to be made aware of the severity of what's going on in third-world countries, different work places, and/or maybe in their own backyards.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Obedience and Patience

5 out of 7 days in the week, I wish I could work roughly 4hrs., get paid for 8, and just have a lot of free time. Too bad that's not anywhere close to reality, at least not where I live. I am thrilled that tomorrow is Friday and I get to wear jeans to work, my boss is buying us lunch, and then comes the weekend!

Have you ever wondering why God told you to do something, you didn't want to do it, did it anyway, and realized why He had you do what He told you to do, yet you still wanted to go back and redo it all your way?

I've been thinking about a couple different things God told me to do as well as one particular thing that happened a couple years back with a relationship I was in, and I'm like, "God, so what's your plan, and would you please reveal it to me...NOW!?"
All the situations we come across in our time here on earth God already knows where, why, what, how, with whom, and we constantly question Him and His power.
Let me put this in very simple terms;
GOD IS LEGIT AND "WE" DON'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING!
It's all about obedience and patience- WHOA! 2 things everyone, in my opinion, have issues with on a daily basis!
So, friends, stop questioning the only one who knows/has all the answers! Obey and be patient. Be patient and obey!
I'm working on it myself, believe me.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Independent in Christ

I am struggling to be independent in Christ. If that makes any sense. Lately, and in previous years, I've been quite prone to depending on friends and aquaintances in my life to keep out of boredom, make me happy, and countless other things. Well, it's really been bothering me... a lot! So, I have set out to challenge myself in this area. Obviously, my friends and others are amazing, but I can't depend on them for the rest of my life. What's that saying, "People come and go, but God remains the same."

Either way, here's what I'm going to do my best to accomplish:

-Have my bible with me at all times [even at work], not for looks, to read.
-Pray about any decisions that I need to make regarding the people in my life, etc.
-Don't jump on every invitation offered me just because I don't want to be home, or I'm bored etc.
-Spend intimate time with God, getting to know Him more, and what He has planned for me.
-Relax and enjoy the time I spend at home, realizing I don't have to be "out" all the time.

5 goals to meet my challenge! Only 5! I was going to give myself an "end" date, but that's not possible in my opinion. This challenge is 365 days a year for anyone.

**You can challenge yourself too!**

Monday, January 4, 2010

What are you thinking?

Have you ever just stopped to think about what you were thinking about?

I did tonight at the dinner table as soon as I realized the thought I had was rude and unnecessary. I actually said aloud, "Oh, sorry Jesus."
It's kinda funny if you think about it... Jesus/God, is like having an invisible person in your head at all times. It's like He's just hanging out listen to all you say, think, viewing all you see, and imagine. It's also kinda scary and nerve-racking. Makes me step back and further evaluate even in the last hour everything that's gone on in my head.

If every thing you think, visualize, and say was being recorded for replay, would you be more cautious with what you allow to enter and exit the thing between your ears?

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Grasp His Love

JJ Heller has an amazing song entitled, "Love Me." I'm actually listening to it right now, and it always seems to bring me to a place of reflection. Reflection of all the times I've cried, "who will love me for me?" Toward the end of the song it talks about a man crying out to God about his past, and God replies, "...listen, I will love you for you, not for what you have done or you will become..."

How many times have we cried out to God as we starve for a love we can't seem to find. We search in materialistic wants, we search for love in a significant other, and in our work. BUT nothing can take the place of the love God so freely expresses through the breath He chose to give us, the life He chose to birth us for... You want an everlasting love? Then grasp the love in the arms of your Heavenly Father.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Where are you going?

I have decided to try a lot of new things this year, and not in the form of "New Years Resolutions." I have goals and adventures I personally plain on attaining. For instance: skydiving on or around my birthday, and a mission trip to Kosovo. Those are just 2 of atleast 10 things so far that have sparked ideas, motivations, and realistic expectations in these upcoming months.
This year is going to be the best year yet in my book. With this life I've been given and finally chose to accept within the last 8 months, I'm done sitting around spending countless hours on facebook, watching tv, or driving around wasting gas because I'm bored. In those times I could be helping someone take groceries to their car, babysitting for the young couple across the street that has 5 little boys, or volunteering my time at a homeless shelter or food bank.
There's much to do, but we are too busy being selfish, myself included, and caught in our boredom that we fail to see all the opportunities to touch a life across the street or in our workplace.
So, where are you going this year?
What are your personal goals, and adventures? Maybe not only involving yourself, but your family, and the community.