Right now my memories feel like they're an unstoppable DVD... rewind, pause, play, fastforward, stop, rewind, play, rewind, pause, stop, fastforward, pause, play; I think you get the picture. And during this time, I must say it's hard to do what I know to do, but I will also say it's getting easier to do what I know to do.

A lot has gone on in the last 2 months, my friends, and soon I will fill you in... just not yet.

Everyday is a battle. Life is about choices. One foot infront of the other, chin up, brave face on, and march.

Dear Friends,

Last year I had the opportunity to go with Service International (Chesterfield, MO.) on a mission trip to Kosovo. The experience I had in Kosovo changed my life indefinitely and I thank you again for your prayers and support on that journey. This year the mission trip is taking place July 2nd-9th and in all honesty I thought I wasn't suppose to go. However, this last week Kosovo has been on the forefront of my mind and after praying about it, I believe God has given me a green light to go on this mission trip.

I emailed the individual in charge and the following was her response, "The cost is $2410. The deadline for a $400 deposit was 5/1 but I'm sure SI (Service International) will accept you if you turn in the money within the next week. Final payment is due 6/21/11. Say the word, and I'll definitely put you on the list." I emailed her back stating that I'm stepping out in faith and believing God for this money. I asked her to put me on the list and told her I would have the $400 to her no later than next Thursday the 12th, if not sooner.

I ask that you prayerfully consider financially supporting me on this trip. If you're unable to support financially, I would love for you to partner with me in prayer.

Sincerely,
Lindsay Whitehouse


Please make checks payable to:
Service International
17466 Chesterfield Airport Road
Chesterfield, MO. 63005
*in the "memo" please put: LWhitehouse KosovoJUMP 07/11*


*If you choose to make your check out to Service International, your contribution is tax deductible. They will mail you a statement of your giving at the end of the year or the beginning of 2012.*

We're all a Gideon at some point...

At church this morning our message was on Gideon (Judges 6:1-22) and him hiding from the Midianites in the winepress trying to sort through wheat, so they wouldn't steal it. He kept shoveling the wheat up, only for it to come down and look as it did before. God comes and tells him he is a mighty warrior and he is going to help rescue Israel from Midian. Gideon doesn't believe him and makes up a ton of excuses in efforts to prove God wrong, but he can't.

The four main points our associate pastor spoke this morning are as follows:
1- God's pursuit is bigger than my circumstance
2- God's plan is bigger than my imagination
3- God's power is bigger than my excuses
4- God's promise is bigger than my problem

Now, I want to add some of my own notes I took this morning...
-Am I listening to God in all things?
-As long as I keep doing the same things to get out of my rut, I won't get anywhere.
-STOP considering circumstances more than God.
-God can, will, and already has found me!
-God finds me even when my heart isn't in the right place.
-God pictures me as I am (how He see's me), not as I am (how I see me) 2 Cor. 2:9!
-Don't limit God with my imagination!
-Don't see myself as who I am, but whom God is making me!
-STOP saying, "yeah but I (me/my)..." and start saying, "yeah but I (God)..."
-It is KEY to change the way I think!!!!
-I am not stuck, I am a mighty warrior, I am a mighty woman of God! It's time to step out of the winepress and move on!!!!

We're all a Gideon at some point. We get in a situation or encounter a circumstance that we can't seem to get out of whether we put ourselves there or not. We try by doing the same things over and over only to find that we aren't moving in the right direction at all; just in circles. We must change the way we think!

I have been stuck in a specific winepress, if you will, for almost 6 months. I have prayed about it, cried out for help, screamed, and gotten angry because nothing was changing and seemed to only get worse. I realize now that though I THOUGHT I was doing everything right, I still hadn't changed my thinking. God has found me in this winepress and He has just been waiting for me to FULLY SURRENDER and take part in the freedom He already had for me.

As service was ending in prayer, my eyes were closed, and I saw a hole with a ladder in it. A young woman was climbing up with her head down, but when she saw a man knelt at the opening, arm outstretched to help her the rest of the way, her face lit up. As soon as she was standing on the ground, outside the hole, I saw the face of Jesus embracing His little girl once again.

I shed a few tears after this (vision) because I know that young woman is me, and God wanted to show me that He can, will, and HAS found me!

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me

You have my heart completely

Tonight my smile illuminates gratitude! God has shown me so much over the last several days and my heart is happy! I am full of joy and the peace I have regarding a specific path God is taking me down is wonderful! Through this time of decision making, I know I can't forget how I feel this very moment. I know I must trust God more than ever, especially in times of uncertainty and doubt.

Walking with God is the best decision I ever chose to make!
Step by step He leads me and I walk in the way of the righteous!

My eyes are bloodshot and burning from tear stained mascara and in the background Jeremy Camp now plays. I sit disappointed and as "God, I'm sorry" released from my lips, I began to weep. I sent out a text to two solid women of God asking for prayer, and parts of me scream, "Don't even ask, they don't care!"
However, I know different.

I must remember that I have come so far from who I used to be. I must remember God has a plan for me. I must remember His unconditional love and mercy. I must not forget that God forgives.

God, thank you for not letting go of my hand. Thank you for carrying me when I need it. Thank you for surrounding me with your peace. God, fill me up to empty me again... revive me.

Jesus you have carried me
When I could not stand
Jesus you have carried me
It's all been part of your plan


Jesus you have carried me
It's your footprints in the sand
Jesus you have carried me
It was always in your hands

Carried Me - Jeremy Camp



God, I thank you.

Thank you that I'm still breathing. Thank you for showing me what love really is and basking me in your sweet presence. Thank you for guiding me through trials and lighting my way in the darkness. Thank you for birthing me into an amazing family and giving me friends that I can share life with. Thank you for wisdom in decision making and helping me better understand your Word. Thank you for placing passions and desires upon my heart and making a way for them to come to pass. Thank you for not leaving me stranded in my past, but taking me to a place of redemption and glory. Thank you for making me strong in my weaknesses and placing a hedge of protection over me. Thank you for your undeniable peace and grace.

God, I honor you today.
Thank you-
Linds

Acts 17:25-28 [NIV]
And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.’As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’




Hebrews 12:28-29 [NIV]

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”

The love of a father

1 John 4:7-10 (The Message)


"My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God."

 
What an honor to be loved by my daddy God! There is nothing that can take me out of his love because he chooses to love me right where I am. When trials come, tears flow, and all I want to do is hide... I begin to remember God's unconditional love for me, and peace like a river floods my soul, which invades my face with a smile. 

God, you're my Valentine.

I had a great first date last night. The guy was nice and we hit it off very well. We talked about dating further and I had no complaints about the evening. However, this morning and all throughout the day I was arguing with God because though I really like the guy, I knew "we" wouldn't work. Needless to say, I politely text him and was straight-forward in telling him we couldn't continue dating. I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has my best interest at heart.

I love that my daddy God, no matter where I am in life, speaks to me.

God, you're my Valentine.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, here are two questions that God asked me, and let me tell you they come up almost everyday.

1- What are you willing to sacrifice?
2- How much are you willing to sacrifice?

Dear Insecurity,

I hang onto you like a child does their blanket. I recognize you in the mirror and in my mind. I wear you around like my favorite pair of shoes, and hear you in the expressions of those walking past. I become angry at you, sometimes cursing to calm the overwhelming lies that somehow crept under my skin and infected my veins. I sleep with you, bathe with you, eat with you, and though disgusted, keep you around.

However, I'm finding more and more each day that you're worthless to me! I've allowed you to invade my space too long and I'm done! I'm sick and tired of being your project and puppet! Your terrorism stops here! Oh insecurity, you think you have me. You think you know me, and you laugh in my face. BUT you don't know me at all, you never did. I choose to no longer be defined by your lust for torture because my God is greater than the affect you think you have on my life. My God defines me, judges me... loves me for who I am and will become. He says I'm beautiful, righteous, one of a kind, unique, and special. He says that I can do anything and I'm the best at what I do. He says I have gifts and talents no one else possesses. He says that I am his beloved daughter and no man can take me out of his hand.

Insecurity, I no longer trust you... especially since you never had my best interest at heart. We're through!

Sincerely,
Lindsay

My Narrative

Forever reign, unmatched beauty, unmistakable redemption...

Oh God you are my God.

I serve you with my whole heart. I devote my selfish desires, wants, and dreams to you alone.

I will ever praise you.

There could be no other. You've never let me down, used or abused me; you sacrificed for me.

Oh God you are my God.

Your name is above any other name, your words are sweet in my ear.

I will ever praise you.

I live because of the life you've given me. I lay at your feet, and cover you with precious perfume.

I will seek you in the morning.

Come day or night, your love for me is unconditional. Your mercy and grace abound in my every breath.

I will learn to walk in your ways.

Humbly, I'll speak with conviction, and encourage the weary.

Step by step, you lead me.

You guide my footsteps and cover me with favor. You open doors, where need be, and hold my hand as we walk through together.

I will follow you all of my days.

Never will you cease to exist. With your mighty hand and outstretched arm, your faithfulness reaches the sky.

TRUE CHAMPIONS IN LIFE ARE ALL THE SAME...

   -STRUGGLE

-PAIN

 -HURT

    -HEARTACHE 

...AND WE OVERCOME THOSE OBSTACLES.

NO TRUE CHAMPION EVER HAD IT EASY! 

I picture myself screaming sometimes into the wind out of desperation. My heart tends to beat faster, and my words become few. I feel overwhelmed with emotion but tears don't come. I pray, seek, read my Bible, and journal; temptations are still evident. For this life to be easy is impossible. For hatred, disgust, and murder to never exist; also impossible.
I am blessed beyond anything I could've imagined, but I feel as though I'm pushing with all my strength against a brick wall.
Behind closed doors the ticking of the present quickly becomes past and future possibilities remain a mystery. Digging deeper, more subtle through the layers to the core of "why" and "how" consists of unmistakable pain. However, to stand tall one must complete the battle; beaten and bloody... I will complete this battle.

Isaiah 40:31 NIV
"...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

  

May 3, 2010 [journal entry]

"This morning I was driving to work and while I was stopped at a major intersection I looked to my left and standing on the brick sidewalk I saw a man holding a sign (which is far from uncommon at this particular spot). Though I saw the man, he wasn't alone. I began to see other people with him- children, elderly, mothers, fathers... they were all holding signs but I was unable to read them. It was almost like the line of people quickly became endless. I could see them screaming through the emptiness in their eyes. Were they victims of a broken heart, jobless, abuse, sex trafficking, addictions, molestation, rape, insecurity, judgement? Were some of them lost in religion, murderers, mentally ill, suicidal, adulterers, homeless, suffering from cancer, aids, malaria, food poisoning, malnutrition, neglect, hatred, lonliness? I don't know... was there a mother that aborted her baby... I don't know.
Have you stepped into someone elses shoes lately? Have you thought about why your daughter lies to you? Have you questioned your sons mysterious behavior? What about your sister, brother, aunt, grandpa, or friend? Have you got your eyes off yourself lately to see if there's a reason why different things are happening in your relationships?
There's a stanger out there with a story to tell. Maybe it's time for us to read the "signs.""

God knows

I wanted to take a moment and share my new favorite scripture:

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. Hebrews 6:10

At times in my journey with Christ I feel like I'm not doing anything for anyone. BUT what about the people I have helped even with the smallest, "hi," or biggest grin. The little acts of kindness are just as powerful in the eyes of God.

Don't doubt the impact you are capable of having in someone's life. Even if you never know, God does, and he will honor you for it.

With this new year beginning one thing I am going to strive to do is keep my dreams alive. God has placed some specific things in my heart that I want to see flourish into something spectacular. I'm not much for resolutions, but I know there are some personal things I am going to be working on as well.

Now it's time for me to be the dreaded 'V' word- VULNERABLE.

I am insecure when it comes to my appearance, as most women are. We pull off our insecurity most times pretty well, but the truth comes out when we're staring in a mirror or alone behind closed doors. Something I remind myself everyday is that God says I am beautiful. I shouldn't place my outward looks on whether someone is going to like me because that gets me nowhere. Obviously there are healthy changes I can make to feel less insecure and more accepting of my appearance, but ultimately all that matters is that God says I am beautiful from the inside out.
I get lonely. I have friends, co-workers, my family, but often times I wonder what I'm missing, and when lonliness creeps in so do temptations. So, what do I do? Well, the answer is simple, a more intimate relationship with God. Life can become very busy, my Bible will collect dust, my journal will keep empty pages, and my musical taste will lose its flavor. I begin to notice I'm tired more quickly, grouchy, lacking sleep, and then realize I put myself in that position. We choose how we're going to spend our days. Options are given to us everyday and whether we realize it or not we're mapping out our future with every action we take, word we speak, and people we spend time with. God should be our number one priority. I've learned he'll fill the emptiness, I just have to allow him.

What do you need to work on?

Until next time,